


just live.

by lilyvanm



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-08
Updated: 2018-01-08
Packaged: 2019-03-02 08:14:03
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,659
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13314117
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lilyvanm/pseuds/lilyvanm
Summary: As an Avenger with the ability to see into the future, you see the death of the boy you love most in the world in a dream one night. You'd do anything to prevent it happening - even if it means putting your own life on the line.





	just live.

**Author's Note:**

> ahhhh so i wrote this like a whole year ago, so please don't judge the kinda weird writing! major sadness and angst, sorry guys.   
> this is based on the song 'You' by Keaton Henson. listen while you read! 
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f2fCcggNkTs

You’d had one of your visions, one of your premonitions of the future while you slept next to Pietro. Apparently you’d been thrashing around in your sleep, begging for something - _apparently_ you’d been repeating “No.” You told him it was a bad dream. You told him you’d dreamt about your apartment building - the one your family shared with the Maximoffs, and that you’d remembered the screams of your parents as they died. You were lying. But Pietro had accepted it, cooing to you as he rubbed your back and told you to go back to sleep. 

_**If you must wait,  
Wait for them here in my arms as I shake** _

And so you had to pretend to sleep, next to the boy you loved, the _very same_ boy you’d watched gunned down in your prophecy. The boy you knew was going to die. He’d held you tight, curled around you protectively - as if you were the one in danger. You didn’t tell him what you’d seen - one of the advantages of your visions was that you could also see what could possibly change the future - and you knew exactly what to do. 

The beginning of the prophecy came true, of course. Ultron was created, the twins and you left Strucker and joined the Avengers. And every single night in between, you watched your boyfriend die over and **over** again. And every time you woke up, tears pouring down your face, but you stayed quiet, letting Pietro sleep.

**_If you must weep,  
Do it right here in my bed as I sleep_ **

And so you stopped sleeping in the same bed as him - how could you? How _could_ you sleep next to him, when you had watched him die, when you knew that if you  _didn’t_   **do** something he would actually die? He was worried for you - of course he was, you’d been distant ever since Ultron had been created. But, like Wanda, he figured it was the imminent threat to Sokovia that had shaken you up so much.

**_If you must mourn, my love  
Mourn with the moon and the stars up above_ **

_Wanda_. She was the hardest to keep the secret from. You couldn’t let her see him die, you knew she’d freak, you knew she’d panic. And so, when she finally saw that you’d had another vision, that you’d seen the future, you told her someone was going to get hurt. Someone close to Pietro, which left you and her. You manipulated her, knowing she wouldn’t care if _she_ got hurt, and knowing that you could take care of yourself. 

**_If you must mourn,  
Don’t do it alone_ **

You felt the worst about lying to Wanda. She would send you sympathetic glances while the Avengers were talking, thinking she was the only one in on some big secret. Thinking you were worried for your _own_ safety. But you knew she couldn’t find out the truth. You knew she’d go into some panic mode and then you couldn’t do what you needed to do.

_**If you must leave,  
Leave as though fire burns under your feet** _

The day of the fight, the day you find yourselves in Sokovia you try to make yourself useful, using the fact that you know the city better than anyone as an excuse to disappear from the rest of the ‘team’, an excuse to hide away and deal with your feelings on your own. You run into buildings, shoving people out, _persuading_ them to leave in their native tongue instead of as a foreign American coming in to terrorize them.

And as every second passes, you can’t help the increase of your heart rate, or the shaking in your hands, or the panic rising in your chest. And then you stumble onto the scene you’d watched so many times in your dreams. Not the exact scene, but the place. You crumple, hyperventilating, just outside - just near where you’d watched him die. He is by your side in seconds, of course, calming you down and holding your hand.

_**If you must speak,  
Speak every word as though it were unique** _

“Stay here.” He tells you in your native language, blue eyes filled with concern. Those blue eyes, so full of passion, so full of life. A haunting image of them emptying and going cold flashes and you have to bite your tongue to stop yourself from screaming. “Go find Wanda,” You smile reassuringly, squeezing his hand. “Come get me when it’s over.” His lips rise at the corners, that smirk that you love so much, the smirk he makes when he’s won. He turns to leave and you can’t help it. “I love you.” You burst out, trying to convey your feelings so passionately. “I love you too.” He smiles, and then he’s **gone**. You know from your vision that by the time he gets to Wanda he’ll have to help her destroy the robots there, and then he’ll have to come back and get you - and you know he’ll be too late.

Your hands shake as you rise from your spot, closing your eyes to focus on where you need to go. The _boy_. The rubble is a foot away from you. By now the chopper with the gun on it should be just rising, just beginning to head towards you. You spot the small head of blonde hair in the rubble, the little boy that causes your lover’s demise. One last glance at the airships - the thing that could save you - and you see Clint start to realize that someone is missing, just like in the dream. Now or never. You run, scooping the child out of the rubble, holding him tight to your chest. “Run - go to your mother.” You say in his language, setting him down on the floor. He obeys, like you knew he would, and everything works out like clockwork.

Clint sees you, then the helicopter, and knows you’re in the line of fire. He runs towards you - 14 steps, 15 steps - at 16 steps forwards you shove him, hard, so he falls out of the line of fire and behind a large chunk of stone. And then, like you knew it would, the sound of the machine gun firing starts.

It takes you a few seconds to realize that you’ve been hit - it takes you another few to crumple. It takes the woman on the helicarrier one more second to scream, and then it takes Pietro two seconds to appear at your side. 

**_If you must die, sweetheart  
Die knowing your life was my life’s best part_ **

“Y/N?” He says, crystal eyes scanning the scene, then falling, falling, onto your form. Your form, surrounded by your own blood, your body riddled with bullet wounds. A choked sob escapes his mouth, his knees buckling as he falls down next to you. “No - No, no no no… **No**.” He repeats, carefully lifting up your torso and cradling you into him. “Why? _Why_?” He begs, teary eyes searching your face. Teary eyes that are still full of life. “Y-You’re alive.” You cough, and he narrows his eyes - and then it clicks, the realization of what you’ve done. 

“N-No. _NO_! Tell me you _didn’t_ \- Please, tell me…” He begs, and you smile weakly. “You’re alive.” You repeat, and his teary face crumples, brow furrowing. “Why didn’t you **_tell_** me?” He begs, and you feel the first tear splash against your face. “I’m sorry.” You say, the sudden realization that you don’t have much time left washing over you.

_**And if you must die,  
Remember your life** _

By the time he lifts his head of, the three words so casually used between the two of you poised on his tongue, you’re already gone. “Y/N?” Panic. “ _Y/N_?” He shakes your body, gently, as if you’re just sleeping - something he knows is a lie, maybe from your eyes staring blankly up at the sky, or the blood still soaking through the fabric of clothes. “Y/N?” A whisper, as he realizes that you’re gone. 

_**If you must fight,  
Fight with yourself and your thoughts in the night** _

He never forgives himself. Wanda can see that, the rest of the Avengers can see that, even Vision can see that. He doesn’t talk to anyone, and Wanda can hear him sobbing that night through the wall that separates your rooms. Steve finds him in your room a week later, clutching the note that you’d left on the bed - of course you knew he’d find it, you could see the future. Clint disappears in the middle of the night, taking the jet and leaving to “attend to the farm.” The team suspects he doesn’t forgive himself either - for what he could have done to save you, they’ll never know.

_**If you must work,  
Work to leave some part of you on this earth** _

Your funeral is small - tiny, to be exact. He knows that you would have hated for anyone to be there that didn’t want to be. And so it is just him, Wanda, and the remainder of the team. The mother of the boy you saved shows up - Wanda thanks her for coming, all the while holding Pietro’s clenched fists down. Later they find a flower on your coffin that none of the Avengers brought, and Pietro curses himself for being so rude.

_**If you must live, darling one,** _

And, as you predicted, life goes on. For all of them. Pietro is never the same - how could he be? - but he continues his life, putting the force of his anger to good use by helping the Avengers. Wanda plants flowers by your grave every so often, making sure that something beautiful is always by you.  They find little pieces of you everywhere - your favorite mug, Pietro’s t-shirt stuffed in your drawer, a hairband of yours on the bathroom sink.

And you never truly leave them.

You never truly leave _him_.

_**Just live.** _

**Author's Note:**

> check this out on my tumblr!   
> http://imaginingthefandoms.tumblr.com/post/151024443413/just-live


End file.
